I had someone recently tell me that I was a light in their life. In the darkest, deepest moments of my life so far, I couldn’t fathom being a light to someone else. It was revealing, and a little intimidating.
I say that because I’ve always had a nonchalance about me. I’ve always had this sense of expectation from God that I have to question frequently to see if it borders on arrogance. No matter what situation I find myself in, God is going to take care of it.
I’m human. I stress about stuff. Sometimes briefly wondering what if something doesn’t work out, but at the end of the day I have expectation. I question whether its arrogance simply because while I know God gives me grace, I also know that God will take care of me. I know the Bible tells me to be anxious over nothing and instead to pray over everything (Philippians 4:6-7). I know the Bible tells me that God takes care of the fields in all their splendor (Matthew 6:30) so how much more will he take care of his children that were made in his image. I always try to break down a problem to that very thing. I know God said He was going to do it and I know God is not a liar. I am going to trust God, I am going to be content in whatever situation I’m in because me worrying, stressing, and being anxious doesn’t solve anything.
So how do I take that mindset into these moments of darkness where it feels like my shadow is leading me and I’ve lost track of the sun. I don’t want to say that I ignore the situation, but for lack of better words, I definitely don’t give it extra attention. If I’m going through something I’m going to pray about it and actively (key word actively) wait for a response. I control what I give attention to. You control what you give attention to. If I decide in my mind that I’m not going to think about something then that’s what I am going to do.
The arrogance factor comes into play when I think things like, “Lord, you need to do it.” I have to judge my expectations sometimes. Lord, I know you’re going to do it because you said you would, not because you have to. I have to check myself like, “hey, wait, woah,” yes we know that God will work this out but some of these situations I have gotten myself in. So you go and get yourself into some trouble and then expect for God to get you out. Now in this particular season, I didn’t do anything to be in this place…
It makes me almost over analyze why people compliment my artistic endeavors with such specific language. Whenever someone says I liked your blog, that was a great poem, or I loved your spoken word piece. I always go back and listen to or read it again. I’m trying to listen/read it from the mind of the listener/reader. What did you get out if this? What part of my testimony made you want to come back? How can I get better at stewarding what God has given me to give to His people? I want to honor God in everything I do. Yet when I think about these things it draws me back to, what did I do that made someone else see me as a light in their life?
I’ve come to the conclusion that the answer is nothing. Nothing other than living my life the way I have been. I was me. I went through a situation and I leaned on the goodness and the grace of God. Since I trusted in God so much that I did not fret, that I did not worry, I did not become anxious, I did not fall as deep into the pits of despair and depression that I could have. I can feel when depression is trying to set in, but because I can recognize it, I can immediately give those things to God, those thoughts to God and not dwell in that place for so long.
I have taken the lessons I’ve learned and applied it to what felt like this HUGE test, I then can honor God by showing people through my actions that God is the way. Not with toxic positivity, or by covering up the emotional rollercoaster we can go on, but through honesty and clinging to the foundation of my hope. Even while grief tries to overtake me through remembrance, I manage the lense that I remember through. I encourage you all today, while you’re growing through a test be true to who you are, live in the authenticity of who God has called you to be. Together, you can move mountains.
For so long my prayer had been for me to be a touch point for God’s people. That when they see me, they see the light of Him first. So looking back, I didn’t have to question why because I shouldn’t be surprised when my prayers are answered knowing confidently that God hears me. If you have made it this far, you never know how much you inspire the people around you by simply living. So breathe in everything good. Exhale the worries of life. You have a light inside of you that no darkness can ever overtake, as long as you believe in it. Stay lit. I leave you with this…
“You are the light of the world. A city situated on a hill cannot be hidden 15 No one lights a lamp and puts it under a basket, but rather on a lampstand, and it gives light for all who are in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven.”
Matthew 5:14-16 CSB
As always, feel free to reach out…
To the reader, I love you.
To the creative, I am inspired by you.
To the thinker, I am learning from you.
To the doer, I am encouraged by your fearlessness.