My sister would have turned 40 today… My sister turns 40 today.
All I can think about in this moment is how the last 10 months would have been different. Her daughter would have been maybe one and a half, two months old…
This is only the 3rd blog I’ve written since she passed and honestly, I’m struggling. So if you’re looking for refined writing and elegant lines of prose. This one isn’t it.
My sister is special. Giving was her most sincere ministry gift. If you had a dream, she was the loudest person in your cheering section. Asking how you could be pushed further and what she could do to help. What could she share, what could she post, what could she invest. That’s who my sister is. That’s who she has always been.
I wonder if we would have been bored of playing Uno over video chat before I went to work or, if we would have moved on to a different game by now. I wonder if my book would have been released already.
She’s the person you called when you had a big life decision and the person you called to help you figure out dinner. When I was pitching my second book to a publisher and they responded by asking for the whole book she stayed up with me all night reading the pieces over and over until we had a natural flow of order. Sacrifice. Love personified.
God…There’s so much I wonder.
Yet I know that every win, every step of progression, every win against depression that I fight daily, is with her in mind. Knowing that she would have been cheering for me louder than I can cheer for myself. Pushing me in directions I couldn’t see. Knowing that my success and the success of my family would have meant the world to her. As long as we were living our dreams.
So thank you sis. Thank you for always cheering me on. Thank you for always being a person I can lean on. Thank you for your love, truth, and integrity. So whether I look at your pictures today, or I listen to your last voicemail telling me to call you back… knowing I’d give up every material thing for one more phone call. I just really want to say thank you for being you and the time we got to spend together here on earth.
I love you sis. Happy Heavenly Bday…
So as I type this through blurry vision with tears wetting the screen. If you’re reading this, I don’t know what led you here, and I didn’t write this with particular intent in mind… But a reminder to me that what you keep in your heart will live forever. There’s nothing I touch that she doesn’t take part in. No passion of mine that she doesn’t know about.
If you could do anything today in celebration of her birthday, it would be to do an actionable step towards your dream. Just one, as a sign of progression.
I’ll leave you with this,
John 14:27 CSB 27 “Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Don’t let your heart be troubled or fearful.
To the reader, I love you.
To the creative, I am inspired by you.
To the thinker, I am learning from you.
To the doer, I am encouraged by your fearlessness.